thanks for understanding. -lilianliang(彪妹) @巴尔的摩华人论坛:巴尔的摩枫下论坛 The Rolia Forum of Baltimore

枫下家园 / 人到中年 / what do you think about PRIVACY? is it a big deal for you? -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 {349} (#6897929@0)
when you talk to someone over the phone and there's someone else (even if he/she is your family member) supervising your conversation without your permission, how do you feel?

personally i care about this issue very seriously and this is totally unacceptable for me, but someone told me that it is NOT a big deal.

how do you think about this?

if it is at work place, all phone conversations, emails, browsing history, chat, are all closely monitored...otherwise, it is totally unacceptable -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6897934@0)

it happened at home. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6897947@0)

wow... -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6897951@0)

please, do not simply give your WOW, tell me how do you feel about this? :-) -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6897955@0)

when i first saw ur post, i never thought this would ever happen at home.. in my mind, home is a safe place where one should feel totally relaxed...i was surprised.. -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 {198} (#6897979@0)
i don't know what to do.. be honest.. i guess if i were u, i would use my cell phone more so that it won't be "supervised"...but i am not sure how i can communicate this to the parents...tough..

i just want to know other's feeling, to prove that i am not wrong for feeling it IS a big deal. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 {60} (#6897981@0)
when home is no longer a safe place, it is just like a jail.

to me, it is totally a big deal.. -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6897986@0)

老人不容易入乡随俗，我们这一代应该懂得不监听别人电话的基本礼貌，包括孩子的电话 ~~~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6897956@0)

not even for parents...i am wondering if "supervise" daughter-in-law's phone conversation is a 俗 in any place... -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6897983@0)

even it is spouse, still unacceptable. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898017@0)

I will say yes, 但是，孩子必须服从父母；夫妻结婚就要合二为一不应有自我隐私，也是不少人的观念信条 ~~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6898073@0)

夫妻结婚就要合二为一不应有自我隐私, NOT work on me. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898078@0)
ahh? seriously? -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6898088@0)

Sorry for my Chinglish ~~~ he he~, I mean, I agree with Biao mm ~~~ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6898134@0)

鸟哥说的不少人，不包括他自己 -shenzhen(nemo); 2011-9-7 (#6898095@0)

# thanks for understanding. -lilianliang(彪妹); 11:21 (#6897984@0) -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6898137@0)

thanks for understanding. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6897984@0)

“without permission”~~~~~~~这是重点~~~~~~~~即使是家人，至少至少也要打个招呼~~~~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-9-7 (#6897989@0)

i am wondering how to 打这个招呼..."喂，闺女，我们先监听一下你的电话哈，你忙你的" -mikesmith(老猫); 2011-9-7 (#6897993@0)

我的意思是：如果你想听别人之间的电话，特指家人，你该先示意下通电话的人可不可以，如果人同意了，就没问题~~~~~~所以我说“permission”是关键~~~~~~没有"permission", 任谁都不能监听别人的电话~~~工作上的，有没有permission，都是被监听的吧~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-9-7 (#6898038@0)

打招呼你就让监听了？ -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2011-9-7 (#6897995@0)

打招呼的意思就是要征求同意~~~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-9-7 (#6898044@0)

if it is something you do not want he be on side, just tell him "can you execuse me for a bit" ? as i grow older and older i find myself need less and less privacy at home, from spouse particularly, hehehe -win(秋天的菠菜); 2011-9-7 (#6898003@0)
Use cell phone. -jesse_dd(bigfishboom); 2011-9-7 (#6898004@0)
It is a BIG DEAL to me. 是家里老人吗？ -ingale(Jess); 2011-9-7 (#6898006@0)
要有防监听手段才行，躲旁边监听你就开免提。讨论内容一是你家老人很好，好的不得了，二是闺蜜家的老人不光带孩子，家务也都干，还贴生活费。 -c1xwy(洪兴罩俺去战斗); 2011-9-7 (#6898007@0)

i am not good at saying anything NOT from my heart. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898085@0)

你in-law又欺负你了？ -happy090126(笑脸); 2011-9-7 (#6898024@0)
怎么个"supervising"法? 拿起分机监听还是把你的电话录音起来? 如果是在客厅里接电话, 总不成让别人把耳朵关上? -wadangonly(vatansoso); 2011-9-7 (#6898033@0)

拿起分机监听 -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898041@0)

那是big deal. 同情... -wadangonly(vatansoso); 2011-9-7 (#6898052@0)
也太不尊重你了。要是我，会很恼火，立马大声让他/她放下电话。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-9-7 (#6898098@0)
这太过分了！ -c200906(芹菜); 2011-9-7 (#6898169@0)

家人不会指导我跟别人讲话，如果有人敢尝试，我会瞪眼皱眉制止，要是还叨叨，我就放下电话，叫或者推她/他出去。。除非自己主动问别人。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-9-7 (#6898042@0)
你先说说咋监听的，是你打电话的时候，就坐在你旁边，没离开，还是到另一个屋拿起分机听。如果是前者，那不算什么。如果是后者。。。 -happy090126(笑脸); 2011-9-7 (#6898048@0)

拿起分机监听 -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898071@0)

我再多问一句，是他不知道你打电话，拿起电话想打电话，于是无意中听到了，还是知道你打电话，就故意要听, ta听了多久？ -happy090126(笑脸); 2011-9-7 (#6898300@0)

For sure 我接受不了。 -shenzhen(nemo); 2011-9-7 (#6898059@0)
可能实在无聊吧？要是我，没有兴趣听别人的电话。我家电话没有分机，每次孩子接电话要不关门，要不拿着手机进衣橱里接，我也没兴趣要听听。 -abetterworld(一诺); 2011-9-7 (#6898061@0)

我家老大也是~~~~都是到自己房间，关门~~~~~~~~我才懒得听呢~~~~~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-9-7 (#6898080@0)

i have another question. it is still NOT unacceptable for spouse to do this? please answer this question seriously~~~~~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898074@0)

NOT unacceptable =acceptable -happy090126(笑脸); 2011-9-7 (#6898093@0)

sorry, typo. still UNACCEPTABLE. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898102@0)

当然不可以接受了。我会瞪眼皱眉制止，要是还叨叨，我就放下电话，叫或者推她/他出去。。除非自己主动问别人。 -9604(眯眯眼); 11:35 (#6898042@0 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-9-7 (#6898106@0)
刚谈恋爱时有过兴趣看看他短信，主要想知道他跟上一个还有没有联系啥的，他也知道，我的他随时可以借用和看。慢慢地，谁也没兴趣互相看。监听电话从来没有过，生活久了，对方什么情况说什么话，什么事情怎么反应基本可以判断出来，不用听大概也知道。 -abetterworld(一诺); 2011-9-7 (#6898107@0)
夫妻间也得征得对方同意~~~~~~这是对人的尊重~~~~~~ -dong3213(住在肥皂泡里的牛); 2011-9-7 (#6898123@0)
任何人监听都不可以 -ingale(Jess); 2011-9-7 (#6898143@0)
privacy is privacy, personal conversation that is the case, 夫妻也不能例外　～ -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6898152@0)

can i say "i love you"? but please don't understand it in another way~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898191@0)

I got what you mean , ;) -sr-71(I Would If I Could); 2011-9-7 (#6898197@0)
maybe he is afraid that you say 3 words to somebody elese? -cristina(cristina); 2011-9-7 (#6898877@0)

你可以跟君子相处。但是，要是家里有人很不懂礼貌，不尊重别人的话，那么对这个人，你得改变改变自己，不要让人觉得你懦弱可以不尊重你。你自己得先把自己当回事，并且帮助别人了解你。该说“不”的时候说不，那是智慧。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-9-7 (#6898084@0)
actually the thing shocked me most is not the thing itself, but someone thought IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL~~~~~~ WTF are those people thinking? -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898121@0)

嗯，彪妹气得真要发飙了。那你是怎么处理的呢? -ingale(Jess); 2011-9-7 (#6898151@0)

did nothing.... but sent a post to get understanding from you guys.......... 555555555555 -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898156@0)

建议彪妹试一试发飙，你会发现有很AMAZING的效果。 -9604(眯眯眼); 2011-9-7 (#6898172@0)
你，你，7456.。。。这种事怎么能姑息呢？ -ingale(Jess); 2011-9-7 (#6898174@0)
要把自己的意见提出来。 -c200906(芹菜); 2011-9-7 (#6898177@0)
表妹徒有其名，还是改名吧 -happy090126(笑脸); 2011-9-7 (#6898179@0)

:-((((((((((( -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898187@0)

哈哈，表妹很可爱哈，我要粉丝一哈 -win(秋天的菠菜); 2011-9-7 (#6898163@0)

thanks~ and i apologize for loosing my manner. -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898186@0)

share the feeling with you. I feel weird and totally can't think and talk under that situation--not that I want to hide any thing, it is just weird. -walkalong(youstartedit); 2011-9-7 (#6898150@0)

thanks for your understanding...... -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898180@0)

是大事儿，讨厌这样的行为。要是我就叫那人放下电话。这个没什么可客气的。 -copperbean(铜豌豆); 2011-9-7 (#6898182@0)

i didn't see anybody agreed on this kind of behavior, but why someone told me this is very normal in our Chinese's family????? -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898198@0)

我不会让它变成normal。应该当时说，就简单的一句：我在打电话。请您放下电话好吗？几次之后，一般就不会再出现了。这种事情可以上升到尊重的高度，但是上升高度只能在双方心中存下芥蒂。要解决问题必须当时做出反应，当然要就事论事。 -copperbean(铜豌豆); 2011-9-7 (#6898229@0)
it's totally not normal in Chinese family....don't let the person misleading you.... -wince(carpe diem); 2011-9-7 (#6898242@0)

this is a matter of respect -dang_dang(当当); 2011-9-7 (#6898190@0)

100%~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898201@0)

我们在这呆了年数久了就比较习惯这里讲究privacy的习惯，但国内还没跟上，想过去街坊老大妈居委会大妈不都喜欢竖起耳朵听这听那的，所以先想开些，再逐渐引导他们，相信不远的将来他们也会习惯的。 -fly_universe(飞越时空); 2011-9-7 (#6898206@0)

"街坊老大妈居委会大妈............" xu xu ru sheng ah~~~~~~~ -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898210@0)

I thought your in-laws were professor and scientist? -cca(不归的如来佛); 2011-9-7 {305} (#6898253@0)
Find them some real entertainment. Canada is such a boring place you know, and you are such a fun girl. When they are lacking options, your conversation naturally stands out as the most entertaining.

On the positive side, you should also feel good for effortlessly being the centre of attention. :-)

这个permssion难度有点大。讲话太大声让周边无关人士听到了，那些人岂不都是without permission吗？ -bdbs(不多不少); 2011-9-7 (#6898235@0)

拿起分机听 -lilianliang(彪妹); 11:40 (#6898071@0) -lilianliang(彪妹); 2011-9-7 (#6898246@0)

两个方法：1、把那个房间的电话线掐了。2、把所有房间的电话线都掐了，留一根，装一拖N的字母机。一个handset通话时，另一个handset是无法工作的。 -bdbs(不多不少); 2011-9-7 (#6898331@0)

Just make sure your phone conversations are not overly entertaining.:-) Many others would kill/bribe to get people to spy on them. -cca(不归的如来佛); 2011-9-7 (#6898273@0)
我打电话的时候，我妈就站我附近，她什么也没听见，还在旁边插嘴，气死我了，不过她不会拿起电话。你IN LAW可能不知道你察觉了，国内老人毛病可多了，没有PRIVACY概念。 -newhouse(三多); 2011-9-7 (#6898720@0)

我妈？！嘿嘿。。。那能和他妈一样吗? 哈哈哈。。。 -4_fun(寻开心: 誓别三推); 2011-9-7 (#6898730@0)

要是我婆婆，我就私下给老公发彪，前提他不会传话给他妈。 -newhouse(三多); 2011-9-7 (#6898771@0)

还有前提！！！！唉，真让俺们这些养女儿的痛心哦。。。喔喔。。。 -4_fun(寻开心: 誓别三推); 2011-9-7 (#6898882@0)

这里回答你的都是儿女们，也许老人有自己的理由，即使我们认为是无法接受的。那个说可以接受的人是谁啊？你劳工吗？如果是你劳工的话问题有点复杂，因为在这个问题上它不和你站在一条战线上了。 -jqe(行长); 2011-9-7 (#6898817@0)

没错，老头老太太们凑一块就开始对儿媳女婿品头论足了。 -newhouse(三多); 2011-9-7 (#6898842@0)

@Baltimore

thanks for understanding.

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