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相濡以沫,然后相忘于江湖

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛没有什么能够阻挡 你对自由的向往 天马行空的生涯 你的心了无牵挂
穿过幽暗的岁月 也曾感到彷徨 当你低头的瞬间 才发觉脚下的路
心中那自由的世界 如此的清澈高远 盛开着永不凋零 蓝莲花
——许巍 《蓝莲花》

很长一段时间,我被一段失败的感情干扰,不愿意和身边的朋友谈起这件事,可是内心的信念和自信都深受重创,在暗夜里失眠,揣度,敏感,审视自己一遍一遍。
上个周末应邀去参加一位同事的婚礼,到达的时候主管通知我要作为单位领导讲话,仓惶上阵,因为言出真心,反到博得满堂掌声。下台坐定,很多目光都追了过来,表面上我作出一副淡定从容的模样,心里的虚荣,暗喜却一点一滴的扩大了开来,是啊,一个年轻的女人,长的也说的过去,穿的也算时尚得体,事业不错,学识也有一点,无论如何,其时那种自我良好的感觉很是令我膨胀了好一会儿。
这个膨胀令我有勇气去面对生活中失败的一面,找了个知心的女友,我竹筒到豆子把事情全讲给她听。
我终于在别人面前为了此事痛哭失态。
而终于,不出意料的我听到“他不爱你”。
于是,在我的心中,这段感情终于落下帷幕。不是时间,不是空间,我们输给了自己。不顾一切的疯狂,一转瞬成了别人茶余的谈资,那些夜不能寐的黯然时光,一转瞬变成了伤心嗟叹的人生过程。胜者王侯败者窛,即使在爱情,中国人也不理你情事种种,只关注你落实到婚姻形态的结果,所以每每大龄单身女子,感情不如意,得到的劝告也是:修成正果才最重要啊。
最赞赏的一句情话,是沈从文说:走过很多地方的桥,看过很多地方的云,在正当好的年纪遇到正好的人。这大概一致如张爱玲"于千万人之中遇见你所遇见的人,于千万年之中,时间的无涯的荒野里,没有早一步,也没有晚一步,刚巧赶上了,那也没有别的话可说,惟有轻轻的问一声:“噢,你也在这里吗?”
不知怎么地,朋友总认为此事伤我之甚,说我言语锋棱的决绝,好似不会再爱。不,亲爱的,从前现在以后,我都还会相信爱情,相信时间无涯的荒野里,会有一个人也在那里,为了相遇时候让我的爱得到我有如得到无价珍宝,我必得好好对待自己,勤奋努力,修身理性,使得自己容貌舒服,性情伶俐,温雅自然。
恰好昨天晚上收到最好朋友短信:岁月把她们凝结成温润得美玉,她们把人生分解成幸福得时光。-送给你我这句话。
也许远不到回头来看这段感情的时间,侯德健在《三十以后才明白》说:谁也赢不了同时间的比赛 谁也输不掉曾经付出过的爱。
所以回顾,是为记录,也是鼓励。更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 相濡以沫,然后相忘于江湖
    • 哎呀有点伤感
    • 写的很好,很好。。。喜欢你这样的女子。。。。
    • 很喜欢你的文章,也看过了你的专辑。
      从你倾注深情的文字里,看见一颗纯洁如水晶的心。象你这样的性情女子,不是在为某一个人而是为真爱奋不顾身。学会忘记不值得的人。每一次爱过都会有收获,让那个不该得到你的爱的人错过,直到遇到,能带给你幸福的他。
      • 怎样才能找到离离的专辑, 谢谢!
        • go to her profile by clicking her name, then you will see a link there. good luck.
    • 写的好,是POSITIVE的生活
    • 天若有情天亦老。
      • 关于爱情的几句
        • 这么好的话,不要只对三叶虫说,他已然无憾了 :)
          • 很笨... 不太知道如何跟贴. 本来想说给楼主的. 谢谢.
            • 你的话不错,贴给我也一样。
            • 明白。谢谢。
        • 说的和楼主一样好.只是有点不明白,既然灵魂相知而又有激情浪漫,为何不能成就一场婚姻?既然相爱为何不能相互妥协和牺牲?婚姻难道只有一种模式:平和,温暖,单调吗?
          多少人敢于和自己倾心的人结合,走进一场有刺激,有挑战,但是又心心相知的婚姻呢?
          • 爱情是可以不断的延续和伸展,这一点是不同于婚姻的。婚姻始终句号,没有进行时态,这恐怕是不愿选择它的原因吧。
          • 94, 俺咋觉得应该能,婚姻不该只有一种模式。
            而且这样的婚姻应该可以长久,因为灵魂相知好象很不容易找的到的。有时候,精神上的交流好象更为重要。
          • it is easy to go in a marriage like that. however, the problem is how long you can stay there and how ugly it will be if you try to get out.
            • A life without marriage is not complete. A life without love is not worth living.
              • there are more unhappy marriages than happy marriages -- it is hard to justify the necessity and benefit of marriage.
                it is more of a personal choice than anything else. if someone does not have love or cannot give love for all his/her life than something is wrong with that person -- then he should question the meaning of his life.
              • Marriage is only good when you are with the right one...when you are feeling happy...otherwise you should give it a thought...
                • then what is the purpose of marriage if you need a divorce every 3 or 5 years.
                  the fantasy of perfect marriage originates from the false assumption that people do not change.
                  the truth is that we change faster than our environment.
                  • It's not because we change...it depends on if the two people change at same pace...
                    • what is the chance of two people change together at the same pace? it is a nice dream but does not work with statistics
                      • I know...it is sad though...that's why I think how you feel is most important, marriage does not necessarily brings your happiness....
                        when you are in a relationship/marriage, cherish it...make efforts/compromises to make it work...because nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow...
            • 如果不能在里面呆长,说明并不是真正的灵魂相知.光有激情,没有相知,是不会长久的.所以我觉得相信婚姻应该是性与灵的合二为一的人应该慢慢寻找自己的终身伴侣.
              • Agreed...can't imagine a marriage without love...it takes time...to meet the right one at the right time...
                • it does not take long to meet the right one at the right time, for love but a projection of our subjective feeling and belief -- it has nothing to do with the object.
                  the problem is how to convince yourself that is the right person and how to keep such belief -- even when yourself keeps changing
                  • You're just talking about yourself man.
                    • the virtue of philosophy is to make general rules out of individual experience -- only animal remains on individual level
                • If he/she is not your soulmate, where is the passion from?
                  • a passionate person will project his/her passion onto a stone. an impassionate person will have no passion even with the most perfect person in the world
              • passion and soulmating are two contradictory concepts.
                a long-lived passion is as unthinkable as a flower that never withers -- it is against the law of nature.
                one has to decide what he/she is really after -- some kind of passion to die for? or a peaceful marriage that fulfills it's life cycle without too much excitement or surprise.
                you need enough guts to pursue the former, for you most likely will end up as a lonely soul who will not even have a grave-digger. and you need enough wisdom to test the later, for you can lose your bet of life at any time, for any reason, and to anybody.
              • 关于爱情的几句(二)
                • nice comment。
          • 和自己倾心的人结合,需要太多的条件,不然怎会有“恨不相逢未嫁时”的遗憾呢?即便和自己倾心的人结合,未来是否一定倾心也未可知。否则怎会唱“爱情这东西我明白,但永久是什么?”人生总是很多遗憾的。
            • 可没有爱情的婚姻从一开始就可怕,宁可一个人
              • 就是啊,没有爱怎么有性和情,又怎么可以在婚姻里无怨无悔?
                • people marry for money, green card, citizenship. only the lucky ones marry for love. or shall we say the dumb ones?
                  they still have sex, even if they marry for reasons other than love.
                  marriage in nowadays is more of a team of convenience than the consumation of love.
                  so you either lower your expectation to come to term with modern marriage. or you remain a purist and stay out of marriage.
                  • 你这人真有意思,强把自己所谓的PHILOSOPHY加到别人头上.可笑.我见过的MARRY FOR LOVE而且非常HAPPY的多得很,也有所谓的MARRY FOR CONVENIENCE 过得很局促悲哀,所以不需要你的指导.谢谢.
                    • I did not mean to impose anything on anyone. we just give comments (actually, our 2 cents) for free here.
                      I don't think in today's world there is anyone who seriously wantsto teach something or even to advise something to other people -- unless he is out of his mind. Even "teachers" on campus are only moderators of discussion sessions.
        • Agree!
    • 说得好,其实最难战胜的是
      自己~!
    • 说相忘,实难忘,心头点点伤。 曾相守,终别离,思绪断愁肠。 强欢颜,掩神伤,往事费思量。
    • 如此完美的杰作.是写给-------谁的?!
    • 记忆力很好,侯德健这种人说过的话都记得
    • 差不多了,你快解脱了。不必相忘,何妨相望。
      • 感谢所有爱的关注的路过的评论的又感触的人,一并谢过了,因为出差,自己的帖子也没能关注,看到支持和鼓励,非常-温暖!
        • "我都还会相信爱情,相信时间无涯的荒野里,会有一个人也在那里,为了相遇时候让我的爱得到我有如得到无价珍宝,我必得好好对待自己,勤奋努力,修身理性,使得自己容貌舒服,性情伶俐,温雅自然"。我喜欢你这段。perfect!!!
    • 爱你 ^_^
    • LZ还是块璞玉。岁月会给你添加温润。;)
    • 庄子的话把--相濡以沫何不两相望于江湖
    • 1.岁月不饶人 2. 丰富就是好的。
    • 每每对爱情失望的时候,都会看到或读到让人感动的真情,让我相信今天的等待和执着都是值得的。