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爱情新解(4)Make peace not war

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛We have a good friend. She is an Italian American in her early forties. For many years, she has been struggling in her relationships. Nothing ever seems to work out. She is a very direct, open and talented woman with a successful career. I am really curious about her life. Is it terrible to live alone? Does she worry about her future? How can she live a life without a partner or children? When she gets old, will loneliness be unbearable?

If you have a chance to meet her, the first thing you will notice probably is her frizzy and voluminous red hair. She will kiss you on the lips, which will surprise many people. You will feel her overwhelming friendliness right away. On the other hand, you really don’t want to be her enemy, because she can be extremely tough to deal with. In her world, there is no gray, only black and white.

Now and then we would get phone calls or emails from her. And that is when I would start wondering about her life. To me, it is unthinkable to live a life alone. One time, I asked Ray how she was doing. He replied, “She finally made peace with herself”. I was quite taken aback and asked, “What do you mean by making peace with herself? Are you telling me she was fighting with herself all the time? How can it be?” Ray answered, “Well, she finally recognized normal relationships didn’t work for her. Instead of suffering with them, she started to rely more on friendships and less on relationships. She is mentoring an abused teenager with a bad childhood. She travels at least once a year and her career is taking off. She is happy.”

I still couldn’t get a complete grasp of making peace with oneself. As usual, I stored that piece of information in the back of my mind. Life goes on, I have my own problems and obstacles to deal with. Until one day, it was like being struck by lightening. Finally I understood the meaning of it. Me and my other Me’s have reached a peace agreement amongst ourselves.

Making peace with oneself is an unconditional acceptance and love of who we are; it is having a realistic view of what we can do and what we cannot. Also it is listening and following our heart. When our mind and heart start working together, we’ve achieved an alignment with our destiny.

It is a wonderful feeling after you make peace with yourself. You feel a burden off your shoulders and instead of continuing to struggle you make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in. Day to day life becomes more and more colorful and meaningful. Instead of wanting something beyond your reach, you learn to treasure what you have.

So?

So in the coming new year, let’s sign a cease-fire agreement and make peace with ourselves.

Happy New Year to all of you!

December 30, 2003 Hawaii

Coming…
爱情新解(5) Redefinition
爱情新解(6) Are you C type of O type?更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下佳缘 / 情爱悠悠 / 爱情新解(4)Make peace not war
    • :-)
      • 大家都有一本不一样的心情呢
    • good one
    • 写的不错呵,有些人和自己make peace 早一点,有些人晚一点,有些人一生也未遂。不过觉得你是那种早一点的人。应该是你早年的写照8,你的MEs 现在应该彼此共处的还不错。
      • 嗯,感觉好极了:P 要知道我的那几个ME's都很强,打起架来不得了。总算签署了息火协议(哦,btw, 是熄火还是息火?)
        • 呵, 太好了, 熄火协议! 还是歇会协议?(哦,btw, 是歇会还是歇回?)
          • :P 哈哈,谢谢,是歇会儿
    • Good writing. True happiness comes when a woman starts to forgive her own imperfections.
      • man也一样.
    • 写的真好, 狠到位, 可惜每几个人能真正看清楚自己, 而每个人每分钟都在变化,....., 或许, 我太悲观了一点吧?
      • Yes, everyday new information floods in but I still believe we can consciously make effort to maintain our peace plan. It is like seeing a chiropractor once every three months to get adjustment.;-)
        • 俺从smoky mountain 杀回来了
          • 真去了?怎么样?
            • 风雨交加杀过去,差点lost 在129公路里!!!!!!
            • 呵呵,人不少!!大家都只是停留在两州交界处的山顶,上了趟厕所!!呵呵
            • 南方人真的很nice!!!!!!!!!!
              • 和,就是练开车去了?有没有试试cracker barrel餐馆和商店阿?田纳西洲可是它的发源地啊。
                • 俺家领导就认麦当劳,路上看到许多餐馆,你说的这个好像很多阿!!不过很奇怪,nasville没有什么人,俺白天晚上都转过了,好像鬼城一样,路上也没人。
    • 非常好,想起了新近认识的一位朋友,遥祝欧洲之旅开心,并能真正想明白自己前面的路。每个人都要经历和外界的斗争,然后是和自己的斗争。真正明白自己很不容易呀。
    • we have to know this life style is also a reflection of over 300 hundreds years of freedom in western countries. everyone is an individual one, and follows his/herself way--- freedom. But,
      they also lose something either. We are used to follow some rules, morality...... I am afraid if we, chinese can enjoy this life style !!!
    • 在中文中的解释是“随遇而安”吧?又好像不确切。饺子新年快乐!
    • 饺子的精美小文系列有些深奥,读完之后我一时竟无言以对.待饺子的精彩小文系列全部出炉,我再连贯地想一想所以然.期待着饺子的下两篇小文.
    • Ray乃神人也, 这都给他看出来了. :-) BTW, 这篇该改名: 一个人的爱情?
      • 看出来什么了?你说的是我们这个朋友?
        • "One time, I asked Ray how she was doing. He replied, “She finally made peace with herself”. " 看的出这点实在很厉害.
          • 这个简单。如果以前的谈话内容总是和这个分手了,和那个又分手了,总是相处不顺并为此烦恼的话,那么现在的谈话内容则开心很多,告诉我们她正在做的事情,生活越来越顺利。当然看得出来了。
            她的故事只是个引子,想说的是make peace with oneself。

            写的这么不清楚吗?:P
            • 这个, 这个, 是我眼神不好. :-P 可能是因为第二段有点mislead, 觉得你的重点要讲她如何好相处呢. Make peace with oneself和爱情关系很大吗? 你举的例子可是个爱情失败的例子哦? 所以有点困惑.
              • 我明白你的意思了:)
                Making peace with ourseves is to accept who we are.

                Once you reach that stage, you will learn to love yourself, get more fun out of life and attract more people also the right people for you. You will be more realistic, instead of wanting something beyond your reach, you will treasure what you have. When you are happier, trust me, you will be more attractive and easier to love. That will help your relationship. That is my experience. :-)
                • That's the point! :-)