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my old memory

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛I guess I was lonely when I was very young. I could not remember most of my childhood. A few scenes came to me just like dreams, I always wonder if they were true or not. When I grew up, I read some book it said people always want to forget things they don’t like. I think maybe I was trying to forget my pain. But what pain it was I really forget now. My mom always told me I was very generous and friendly to my friends when I was a child. I had an uncle lived in 新疆 as general in army, every year he sent us some very delicious dry grape. But I often ate few and gave many to my neighbor’s girl who was the same age of me. In return I did not obtain trust from her, I was her constant opponent. I did not know where I offended her, I just remember every afternoon after school there was crowds of kids followed me and cursed me. I did not remember what I felt at that moment. Maybe I took it as game or maybe I cried in dark. A few weeks later my parents and my teachers knew that from other kids. And they were surprised why I did not tell them it. They thought it really hurt me a lot. And they did investigation and found it was my neighbor’s girl did demagoguery and imputation on me. My teacher asked every child who cursed me shake hands with me and make friends with me again.
We never knew I would save her life 10 years later. And she now had a lovely son and made a good life.

Though I was lonely, I was not shy. I was like a boy and had some friends truly appreciated. We liked wild and brave games, like climbing, runaway, playing in the building site. I pay less attention to what girls should behave. I also thought I was not pretty. I remember my Mom praised me cute and lovely when I was still in daycare.
That was all for praise as girl like me as I remembered. Then critique weighed those appreciations, because I always caused trouble. But I never cause big trouble, which I could not get rid off.

My neighbor’s girl, that pretty and proud beauty did not finish high school. She dropped out for her premature love. She swiftly changed her lover. When later she finally loved one guy, the guy dumped her very soon after he had a new lover. She tried every kind of strategy and wanted to bring him back. But he refused. I didn’t know that much. That was later others told me. It was just a coincidence. I was home and was taking summer break from university. I heard some strange noise. It seemed somebody wept and tried to vomit. Since our backyard was connected, I stepped into my neighbor’s side to listen.
I did not know why I felt unusual but I had a bad feeling. So I asked what happened loudly. Then I heard louder crying. So I immediately opened their locked door and pushed inside. I saw her lying on the bed and trying to vomit in pain. Suddenly I knew what happened. I grasped her hand and ordered her coming with me to hospital. She refused to move. I slapped heavily on her face, and threatened her.” If you don’t move, I will leave you here and die.” Then she reluctantly followed me. In the hospital, she was found swallowed some toxic chemicals, which used to clean silver. The doctor said if we came 10 minutes later, she would be dead. Anyway, she was saved. I guess she will never try to suicide again no matter how depressed she is. Because she already regretted what she did when I pushed into her home.

When later my life was on the deep bottom, I was very disappointed and depressed. And I thought I did not matter if alive or dead. Then I was not afraid more. Because if I did not care death, how should I fear others. But the harsh way I was growing stronger, the harder my heart was. It just traded in.更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下拾英 / 人生足迹 / my old memory
    • 很不错的故事,能不能写成中文呢?
      • 唉,向专家献丑了。中文高手更多